A connection to LEARN and GROW...

As a woman who has experienced a toxic relationship for seven years, I wanted to write a blog about my experience and how this connection was a benefit to my growth. My toxic relationship was formed on a foundation of comfort, addiction, co-dependency, and love... well, what I thought was love. Like many relationships, the beginning "Honeymoon stage" is always great. Within a few months, I started noticing red flags, but I didn't care. I was too wrapped up in the newness and the "physical attraction" part of the connection. The thing about toxic relationships is they're designed to help us LEARN and GROW. It's as if we must stay in the relationship (which is why I ignored the red flags at the beginning) until THE LESSONS THAT NEED TO BE LEARNED ARE LEARNED.

In toxic relationships, one or both people lose themselves in the connection. One or both people will put the other's needs before their own. They may argue and fight over the same issues, and insecurities and jealousy can surface. One or both people can become controlling or codependent, creating a connection based on conditional love. In my toxic relationship, I was the one who lost myself. I forgot what I wanted in a relationship and what made me happy. I stopped taking care of my needs because I was too busy trying to fix him and meet his. As I lost myself, I didn't realize I was putting myself second. I had to experience this toxic relationship and lose myself to find myself. In the process, I rediscovered who I was and learned self-love and acceptance, and I learned what I truly deserved. My toxic relationship brought awareness to many challenges that resulted in me lacking self-worth, not setting healthy boundaries, and not knowing when to choose what's best for me. I needed to learn these lessons when it was finally over. My toxic relationship taught me lessons and showed me what I don't want. The connection taught me not to give up my power in a relationship. That is why toxic relationships can be good to experience. They help you discover and expose the parts of you that need healing and the areas where you need to learn and grow.

Eventually, I was able to overcome my toxic connection. I had to stay blind long enough until I started becoming aware of all the repetitive issues and unhappiness, which made me realize that something needed to change. By the time this awareness set in, a lot of heartache, emotional pain, and damage had already been done. This was all part of the process. The heartache and pain helped the love and emotional attachment fade, and it also gave me the courage to choose what was best for me when leaving the relationship. Learning these lessons helped me understand what I want from a relationship. I grew enough to let go and move on. In the end, experiencing my toxic relationship helped me to evolve into a better version of myself. A version of myself I couldn't have become without this experience.

8/5/20